Did you write your new year’s resolutions? Whether your write or not let’s admit it; those resolutions are doomed for failure. Instead of resolutions, yesterday I did a reflection on my life since I transferred here last April. I can’t help but be in awe on how God moved in our life for the past year especially when it comes to my physical health, for nine months of staying here I visited the hospital for so many times, I don’t know I’ve been sickly since I came here. God is faithful; time and time again He has proven that He is my great healer.
I’ve been doing a lot of resting last year, like Mary, resting at the feet of Jesus. God had given me much time spending with Him. For 9 months of staying here, oftentimes alone or with my husband, my perspective in life changed dramatically. I became satisfied and thankful with my life. Not that I’m no longer asking God for greater things but I‘ve learned to wait upon the Lord; I’ve learned to conform to His pacing no matter how slow it may seem. Money is no longer my problem; it is God’s problem anyway. He’s our provider. I could go out without money as long as I have my bus card. I may not buy everything I want but the things that I like most like bags, shoes, clothes, etc. are no longer appealing to me. I guess my husband influenced me a lot. I’ve learned a lot from Chinese culture when it comes to handling finances. To sum it all I became closer to my Lord.
My relationship with my husband became stronger. We did fight but somehow we were able to settle our differences. We tried to meet each other’s need instead of nagging each other to meet our own needs. We tried to prioritize the need of each other instead of our own need. We just spent our first anniversary last December. Every day he’s becoming lovelier and lovelier in my sight.
What about ministry? I don’t know how to say this but in the past years of being in the ministry I’ve been in the bondage of “should”, time and time again my being performance oriented knocked on my door. I should do it, I should perform, I should accomplish this, sometimes, I had this guilty feeling of not doing anything. When I left my country I had this goal and plans, until now I’ve never seen them fulfilled. I honestly don’t know what’s in store for us for 2010, all I can do now is to trust in His sovereignty and unfailing love. The only opportunity that I can see now is to teach in the Sunday school. I am currently involved in the Sunday School anyway.
My desire is to really be in the center of His will, to be closer to Him to be faithful to the gift of time, not spending much in the internet. I desire to have more fresh revelations from His word. I desire to minister in a small group. I desire to learn the language. I want to set aside what others are thinking and be set free from the bondage of “should”. I want to go out and see the world and share the Hope that is in Jesus.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matt 11:28-30, The Message)
I just want to live a carefree life, free of trouble, worry and care. I want to enjoy my relationship with the Lord and I want to be the person that He wants me to be. I am not trying to run from responsibilities, I want to do something not because I need to, but because, that is what God wants me to do.
Happy New Year Everyone, let’s be thankful for the things that happened in 2009 and have an expectant heart that 2010 will be a better year inspite of what’s happening in the world