This is not the Life I want

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24 (NIV)

When we moved here three years ago there were times that I felt like I had no purpose and no life at all. I wanted to do the things I love but couldn’t  do them because I was in an unfamiliar place, a new country, a country that was so different with the one I grew up. I felt depressed not having the freedom that I used to have and sometimes I thought “this is not the life I want”

While reading this verse “unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit“, I was reminded to die to ‘self” to die to my personal desires everyday. Yes “my life” was over, because the life I have now is in “Christ” it’s the life that He wants me to embrace. I can not have “my” life and the life of Christ at the same time.

With our three years of staying here I am amazed of how He changed me and my perspective in life. He isn’t done yet and He’s still working, He’s conforming to the image of His Son everyday. It’s not easy to put to death my selfish desires, from time to time they grow, however it is a choice to uproot them everyday.

Father, thank you for reminding me of this. Give me the grace to live for you and to die to myself everyday. Amen!”

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