Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary

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Yesterday Albert and I celebrated our 3 years of marriage, time flies so quickly. I still can’t quite believe it’s been 3 years. Honestly those three years were not always blissful. Oh yes, we had countless fight and misunderstanding. We thank God indeed for His grace, He never gave up on us. It’s His grace that accompany us to the challenges of marriagehood. I’ve learned so much from this marriage and still discovering a lot of things. Indeed through this marriage He is making us more and more like Him.

Two years ago, I wrote this on my journal, I just want to share it here.

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When I was single there were a lot of things I wrongly believed about marriage  which I only realize now. We have heard some couples saying I couldn’t ask for more. This guy completes me, as if they are saying that marriage is the place where your longings, unhappiness, your dreams needs are being met. Well i think most of the singles out there believe that way too. Maybe that’s the reason why a lot of singles are unhappy of their present status because they thought that marriage can make them happy and complete. One thing that I’ve learned marriage  is not a place where we can get all our needs met , either a place where we can get complete happiness.

God did not design marriage that way. Marriage is a place where He can make us more and more like Him. There were times that i was disappointed, frustrated and betrayed. Why, because I’m trying  to let my spouse meet my needs, marriage for me is something like “I, me and myself” it is about myself, my needs being met, my expectations being satisfied, my laws being obeyed, this is how i view marriage till the Holy Spirit opened my eyes one day and he made me realize that marriage is being selfless, it is about meeting other’s need instead of my needs, it is about being broken to self and broken in the sight of God, it is the place where God exposed my selfishness, my pride and taught me humility, selflessness, unity, service, submission and teamwork, it’s a bit hard though. From time to time there is still that battle waging inside of me. It is His grace that accompany me to the challenges of marriagehood if not for that I might not make it

Marriage is a place where He is conforming the couples to His likeness. It is not a place where our needs met because only Him can do that. Marriage can be much fulfilling if we view it the way God views it, that is, a place where we can be like Him, a place where we can show Christ’s love by doing what the scriptures say about how we can love and honor our spouse.

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I am now in my 23th week of Pregnancy

I am now in my 23th week of pregnancy, which means I’ve hit the halfway mark.

My tummy looks bigger, probably because it’s my second but I only weigh like 108 lbs

I visited the hospital for my ultrasound last week, the result says everything is normal, the baby seems doing great, we don’t know the sex yet. The baby started to move before I hit my 4 months.

Things have been so much better these days. I can still carry my daughter who is 24 lbs. I can do everything except that when I walk far I can feel little pain on my back. I’ve been more choosy with the food though.

And my hormones and emotions are changing too.

I am more emotional I guess. I get easily irritated even with the small things and feel  frustrated that I couldn’t do the things I want.

There were just times when I felt … overwhelmed with emotions.

Feeling blue sometimes and so touchy, rather than uttering unnecessarily unhappy words, I chose to stay quieter throughout the day.

I sometimes feel so sleepy but couldn’t sleep because my daughter is awake. That makes me more frustrated.

I’m just glad that it doesn’t happen to me too often so far. I’m trying really to be happy at all the times, I’m kind of tired being grumpy and moody.

Anyway,  I thank God for the strength, good health and everything.  To know that our baby’s growing well inside is truly amazing!

With all the overwhelming feelings…

I’m excited to see our next child.

Thankful Thursday

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Another day has passed, yesterday I was thinking about my life. Honestly I feel like I am not doing anything worthy. I am “just” a stay-at-home mom and wife.

I’ve been struggling lately, I always lose my temper.  I get easily irritated  with small things. I feel like I couldn’t do anything other than watching my daughter. I don’t even have time for myself.  I am losing my patience and temper and definitely not proud of it. I want to be creative in our time together but my mind seems no longer functioning. I couldn’t thing of any.

Could it be because I am pregnant again or maybe I am not stay at home material mom.

Don’t get me wrong I love my daughter, she’s definitely the most charismatic baby I have ever seen, she smiles at anyone. She smiles and talks most of the time. I love being able to teach her and see all the ways she’s growing up. However I feel like lately, I’m not good enough for her.

I remember what the Israelites said to Moses in Numbers 21:5, when they get tired of eating manna, they complained “there is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna.”

Am I becoming like the Israelites? Getting tired of what I’m doing and want to do other things?

Oh Lord, forgive me for grumbling, forgive me for thinking this way. Help me to embrace the life you’ve given me and be satisfied with what I have and doing now. Help me to live a life to the fullest.

Today I am thankful for the following

#31- 36 years of existence

#32- my daughter turned one year old last month

#33-my second pregnancy

#34- was able to visit my country and hometown.

#35- the time we spent with my family.

#36-mother-in-law who’s helping us.

#37-husband who is hardworking and thrifty.

#38-spending time in prayer every morning with my husband.

#39-daughter who smiles to anyone.

#40- a new apartment to stay.

This post This post has been submitted to the week’s Gratitude post with Ann Voskampand to Thankful Thursday with Laura.

Bethany’s Dedication

Look at Bethany's eyes, she's praying with us:)

We had our child dedication for Bethany yesterday with other two families. it’s just simple, no godparents, no celebration, we just had the same activity as we usually do every Sunday. Well, this is how they do it here, unlike in my country, we usually have celebration with our family, godparents and friends after the dedication. I asked my sister and her husband to be the godparents for the reason that they may take care of our child in the event of unexpected death. They didn’t know that though:)

Through this dedication, we do acknowledge that our child is a gift from God. We want to offer back our child to Him. It is our act of trust, commitment and dependence to Him.

Trust because, we know our child has needs that only God can provide , we trust the Lord that He will take care of her and that we don’t need to worry about her future, her health, her education, etc, etc. We’re trusting the Father completely that He will meet her needs and He’s just using us to provide some of her needs.

Commitment because just like marriage, parenting is also a commitment. It’s our commitment to raise her the way the Father wants us to do, we are committed to live a godly life and be a model to her with the desire that one day she will also entrust her life to Christ. We are committed to teach her the scriptures, it is our duty to do that.

Dependence, because we know as parents we are not perfect, in the future we’ll surely disappoint her, raising her we need His wisdom and grace in carrying our responsibilities as parents.

It is also one way of saying to Him, Lord we surrender to you our style of parenting, we want to raise this child the way you called us to. We’re doing parenting by faith.

I just love the questions that Mark(the one who conducted the ceremony) asked us during the ceremony.

1.)Do you, in the presence of God and this church, solemnly dedicate Bethany to the Lord?

2.  Will you endeavor to live a life before Bethany that will give witness to your faith in Jesus Christ?

3.  Do you accept the authority of the Old and New Testaments as the Word of God?

4.  Out of them, will you endeavor diligently to teach Bethany the commandments and promises of the Most High God, so that she may early come to personal faith in Jesus Christ?

With all these questions our answers were “yes we do”, I was reminded by our promises during our wedding and yes these are also our promises to our children. These are the other two families.

After having our buffet lunch with our two friends who happened to be here,  too bad we didn’t take picture of the food, they’re absolutely awesome. Bethany and I spent in the children’s room while Albert, Esther and Robert went to check the theater, library and tried the indoor games, Albert toured them around the place, they’re just here to process his wife’s US visa and they’ll be leaving:(.

Below are some of the photos we took. We just love shooting photos of our baby. Isn’t she precious?:)

Our friends.

She loves playing peekaboo with her dad.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15 When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. Matthew 19:14

Random Musings

Today I walked 6 miles, I need to do it regularly until I give birth, last week I visited the hospital for my regular check up, my BP  was pretty high,  it’s 123/60, the doctor said, the normal BP for pregnant women here is 130, my BP worries me somehow coz sometimes I feel like my heart beats so fast. So far everything is going well, thank God.

God has been so good to us, His provision is overflowing. You see, our land lady blessed us with some baby stuff, maternity clothes, electric breast pump and my pregnancy pillow, my mother-in-law blessed us with baby clothes, maternity clothes and finances, my husband’s grandmother blessed us also with baby clothes. Our friends (Ricky and Susan) visited us yesterday, they baked cake and cooked for Albert’s birthday, and blessed me with a beautiful maternity dress, another friend(Ruby) gifted us with children’s book, well we only have few friends here(lol). Hopefully we won’t be buying baby crib anymore because Susan told us to give her cousin’s baby crib to us, YAY, isn’t God so amazing?

I’m staying at home wife and my husband is just doing part-time job, amazingly though, our needs are properly met, thank you Father for your faithfulness and thank you for making my husband a good steward of your resources, he’s good at it. Living a simple life is indeed a gift from you.

Next Sunday will be my last teaching on my Sunday school class, I told our coordinator I will rest for a while and maybe go back after six months.

My visa was extended for 3 months (I’m married to a local but still hard for me to get visa) thank God for the 3 months extension, they tightened the security because of the Asians Games. Two people I knew were not given visa. From time to time the government checks the church that I’m attending; locals are not allowed to attend.

We extended our stay here for another year, we are expecting for a better, productive and fruitful year ahead of us. It would be hard for us to transfer after giving birth so we decided to extend our stay here and we believe this is also what God wants us to do. We are expecting our angel last week of January or first week of February next year.

© The Emissary’s Feet

Thankful Thursday-Happy Birthday Mr. Zeng

Dear Mr. Zeng,

You’ll be turning 30 on Sunday, I am so thankful and grateful that God led us together, thank you for you’ve been patient with me, thank you for accepting my weaknesses, thank you for trying your best to be the person, husband (and soon) father that God wants you to be.  I’m so thankful on how our Father is changing you to be more like Him. I praise Him for softening your heart and making you willing to accept the changes that He wants you to make. I’ve seen you growing in faith, grace and wisdom. Thank you for encouraging me especially when I’m losing hope. Thank you for being my husband, my lover and my best friend. I thank the Lord for giving me someone who protects and provides for his family. Thank you for allowing me to me be your helpmeet. My prayer is that, our Lord gives us long life that we may grow old together. I thank and praise Him for your life.

I don’t know if you can still remember the poem below, I made it for you after we got engaged; I want you to know that I still feel the same. I’ve seen your weaknesses and I thank God for giving me the grace to accept and understand that. In spite of those, I firmly believe that you’re the best for me.

When we first held each other’s hands I just knew, we were meant to be.

You have the eyes that so gentle soothing to the soul.

You have the smile that is so true that I surrender my heart.

You have the heart that is pure that I trusted you.

I know that you are not an accident.

You are not a mistake

It was God who orchestrated everything

You are the gift that I’ve been waiting for.

The heavens rejoice when our eyes met for the first time.

Our Father was happy when we finally said Yes to His plan.

I know our relationship has been sealed in heaven.

And He is waiting for it to accomplish on earth.

He opened my heart to love you.

He opened my eyes to see your weaknesses.

He opened my mind to accept you for who you are.

He opened my soul to meet your needs.

I am proud to have you in my life

As our Father is proud when He revealed you to me.

I am blessed to have you

As the Father is blessed every time He stares at you.

I love you and I submit to you, because it is the way that pleases our Father.

As we face the challenges of life.

Let’s hold hands together with one mind, soul and spirit.

While God unravels to us the beauty and mystery of

His great plan for both of us.

I anxiously wait, for what will appear.

New homes, more laughter, and children so dear,

Everything will be wonderful, as long as you’re near

And as long as we let Christ reign in our hearts.

Happy Birthday my Dear Husband!

Check Laurie’s blog for more thankful Thursday entries. May you have a blessed week!

©The woman whom Jesus loved/The Emissary’s Feet

Let Your Mate Find you in Eden

Sharing what I’ve written on my journal way back when I was still single, reading this made me realize how God is faithful and true to His promises. He met my longings and desires in the right time.

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I was with my single friends last night. We went to Mcdo after the service. We’re having so much fun, till the topic shifted to “marriage”. It’s singles favorite topic. One sister mentioned about the book that she read. According to the author “God will only give you a husband when you don’t need a husband anymore” it sounded illogical, and un biblical for me. What the use of getting married if i don’t need a husband anymore. But the author just simply mean, marriage will not make you complete. We often thought that having someone beside us will make us happy, whole and complete. Many singles nowadays felt like there’s something missing, that they need someone to complete them. It’s actually the lie of the enemy to make the singles desperate, lonely, unfulfilled, unloved.

We were not created to complete another but to complement. As what I’ve read “Completion is Jesus’ responsibility and complementing is a woman’s privilege. A woman not complete in Jesus will be a drain on her husband. Such a woman will expect her husband to fill the gap that only Jesus can fill”

I’ve read stories like, they met their husbands when they were self-satisfied, happy single. I thank God for not allowing me to get married when I most longing and desiring for it. I realized now why God didn’t answer my prayers,though i fasted, i went to prayer mountain so many times, i spilled hundred litters of tears(exaggerated), just for God to hear my plea, but until now, I’ve gotten no answer. I only realized now that God wants me to enjoy now the things that I can’t do when I am married. God is giving me the chance to pursue my other dreams. He doesn’t want me to have life after marriage but even now He wants me to enjoy instead of making sorry for myself.

If you wait to live until that “shining armour” will come, girl you’ll find yourself someday sitting around saying ” If only I could, I should, I would.”

Enjoy life now, let your mate find you in Eden, enjoying yourself and your life. Let him see you fulfilled, complete, whole and ready.

Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but not being full of Jesus.

Get involved especially in your church.

entry made on March 2008

© The Emissary’s Feet

MY REASON WHY I AM GETTING MARRIED

If you ever wonder why i am getting married on April, it’s not because I am old and my age is no longer in the calendar, not because I want it to, not because I am rushing, not because I am happy with this person, not because he completes me and of course not because I am pregnant, Oh I thank the Lord coz He preserved me. My main and ultimate reason is because God called me to the COVENANT OF MARRIAGE, it’s covenant it’s more than a promise. And I know there is POWER with this covenant.