Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary

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Yesterday Albert and I celebrated our 3 years of marriage, time flies so quickly. I still can’t quite believe it’s been 3 years. Honestly those three years were not always blissful. Oh yes, we had countless fight and misunderstanding. We thank God indeed for His grace, He never gave up on us. It’s His grace that accompany us to the challenges of marriagehood. I’ve learned so much from this marriage and still discovering a lot of things. Indeed through this marriage He is making us more and more like Him.

Two years ago, I wrote this on my journal, I just want to share it here.

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When I was single there were a lot of things I wrongly believed about marriage  which I only realize now. We have heard some couples saying I couldn’t ask for more. This guy completes me, as if they are saying that marriage is the place where your longings, unhappiness, your dreams needs are being met. Well i think most of the singles out there believe that way too. Maybe that’s the reason why a lot of singles are unhappy of their present status because they thought that marriage can make them happy and complete. One thing that I’ve learned marriage  is not a place where we can get all our needs met , either a place where we can get complete happiness.

God did not design marriage that way. Marriage is a place where He can make us more and more like Him. There were times that i was disappointed, frustrated and betrayed. Why, because I’m trying  to let my spouse meet my needs, marriage for me is something like “I, me and myself” it is about myself, my needs being met, my expectations being satisfied, my laws being obeyed, this is how i view marriage till the Holy Spirit opened my eyes one day and he made me realize that marriage is being selfless, it is about meeting other’s need instead of my needs, it is about being broken to self and broken in the sight of God, it is the place where God exposed my selfishness, my pride and taught me humility, selflessness, unity, service, submission and teamwork, it’s a bit hard though. From time to time there is still that battle waging inside of me. It is His grace that accompany me to the challenges of marriagehood if not for that I might not make it

Marriage is a place where He is conforming the couples to His likeness. It is not a place where our needs met because only Him can do that. Marriage can be much fulfilling if we view it the way God views it, that is, a place where we can be like Him, a place where we can show Christ’s love by doing what the scriptures say about how we can love and honor our spouse.

CONFUSED BY SOMETHING YOUR MAN HAS SAID OR DONE?

I posted my solo photo in my friend’s (whom i will marry soon) friendster account, i thought it’s okey for him, but he found it weird to have my solo picture in his friendster account. I asked myself what’s wrong with that unless ofcourse if he’s ashamed of me. I hope he’s not. But to avoid conflict i just deleted it and transferred in my account. As what Shaunti Feldhanhn (a bestselling author) What’s going on in there? Have you ever totally confused by something your man has said or done? 

Yeh, somehow i was confused. But of course i understand that woman and man were created differently, the way we feel, the way we think, the way we reasoned, the way we relate with others are absolutely different.

Another thing that i noticed from him is don’t ever ever change or touch something without informing him first. Well for me , if i have given you the permission to use, touch or borrow my things or if i have given you the permission to edit, change, etc my social networking accounts, you don’t need to ask my permission again and again, just go ahead and do whatever you want, i trusted you anyway.

Well that’s how we created. We are different. Conflict begins when you are trying to force something that you want. The key to a beautiful relationship is understanding each other. Understand that God created you differently.

© 2008 by jhunnelle

HOW TO RESPECT YOUR MAN?

I asked my fiance these questions if your are going to choose would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world or would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. He chose the first. Of course if you will going to ask me i will choose the latter. 

One of my many needs is the need to be loved. And I thought that is also the need of the men, but while our need is to be loved, men’s need is respect. The Bible says in Ephesians 5 that men should love their wife and wife to respect or submit to their husband.

Our love to our men is not enough but our respect is more than enough to love them. They really need respect and affirmation especially with their wife or significant others. If you want to love your man the way he wants you to love him then make sure that he feels your respect. Sometimes we thought of but how can I respect someone who is sometimes disrespectful. Well with the same that we always tell our men to love us even we are not unlovable sometimes, that they should love us unconditionally in the same way they are requesting from us that we must respect them unconditionally.

You may ask yourself how will i know that i am disrespecting my husband or significant others. We usually cry when we feel unloved, while men’s response when they feel disrespected is anger. So when your husband or significant other becomes angry with you, that you know that you are making him feel disrespected.

Another question is how do i respect my husband or significant other. Men have a hard time expressing their love to us or sometimes they do not know how to express their love to their wife or significant other. Same is true with women, women sometimes do not know how to express their respect to their husbands or significant others. It’s not enough to say “honey I respect you or honey I am proud of you and I trust you” we have to show them with our actions.

I think men feel that they are being respected when their wife or significant other respects their knowledge, opinions and decisions. It is as if your are saying to them that you trust them.

Respect their abilities, let them figure out things for themselves, do not dictate what they need to do unless they will ask you. I remember a Pastor mentioned, that he never asked direction from someone even when they have been lost and that his wife was suggesting him to just ask someone for direction. Men want to do things on their own, they are fulfilled when they accomplished things. Let’s have confidence in our men’s capabilities.

Another thing is they hate being compared with other men. Don’t ever, ever compare your husband with your friend’s husband. If there’s one person that will encourage and lift him up it must be you, wife.

Wives are also commanded to submit to their husbands. Submission means you are going to stand in your husband’s beliefs and position. It is “standing under” your husband that you are covered and protected.

That’s how men created. If we need to be loved by them unconditionally then we ought to respect them unconditionally.

© 2008 by jhunnelle

WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR YEARNINGS, PASSIONS AND DESIRES

It’s really hard to fall in love with the person who doesn’t even care about you or you don’t know if he has feelings the same as yours. It’s really hard to fall in love with your friend who only treats you as a friend. It’s really hard to continue loving a person whom you know that he loves someone else.

I know someone who has this struggle… so many times that she prayed honestly to take away the desire to be with him. The affection is terribly painful. No matter how busy she was, she’s still ache in her heart.

Sometimes I truly asked God, why all these things happening. Why not if this guy is not His will for her, why not the feelings just disappear? Why not God just simply eradicate the desire and the pain.

But I am asking for an easy road. Everything that happened in a person’s life has a purpose.

Could it be that God is dealing something in your life? Could it be that He is teaching you to pray like Him “ Thy will be done Father.” Is it a sin to say “thy will be done” but deep down in your heart you want your will to be happened.

But you see, if you love a person, even if you don’t want to do what he wants you to do, you will do that, because you love him, you prefer to do what he wants rather than what pleases you.

The same way with the LORD, you can honestly say “Lord I want my will to be done but since I love you, I prefer or decide to do what pleases you”

Quoted fro Elizabeth Elliot diary, written during those waiting time… “Does the fact that I do not forget Jim indicate that God does not want me to, or is it my own unwillingness to forget that has kept God from answering my prayer to that end? Or does He want me to remember – to “suffer me to hunger” so that I might the more fully learn to find all my satisfaction in Him?… Can it be that by a show of what Paul calls “will worship” I should crush the bud of a flower of God creation? I know no prayer other than Thy will be done”

I’ve learned to submit to the authority of Christ all my yearnings, desires and passions. I’ve learned to say “thy will be done LORD” even it means sacrifice and pain in my part. But when you say “YES” to God He will always leads in the end to joy. We can bank HIM on that.

Yearnings, passions, desires are always there, may it be yearning to settle down, desire to be with the person you love, yearning to work abroad, yearning to have the promises of God fulfilled. Whatever it is, there are there to be offered to God. These things should be controlled, should be offered and should be submitted to HIM, rather than eradicate.

HOW TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS TO A MAN?

Women are always tempted to be initiators. We like to get things done. We want to talk about situations and feelings, get it all in the open, deal with it. It appears to us that men often ignore and evade issues, sweep things under the rug, forget about them, get on with projects, business, pleasures, sports, go to gym, turn on the television, roll over and go to sleep. Women respond to this tendency by insisting on confrontation, communication, showdown. If we can’t dragon our men into that, we nag, we plead; we get attention by tears, silence, or withholding warmth and intimacy. We have a large bag of tricks.

A group of ladies were talking about how men are insensitive, immature, that they just want to play. The conversation goes this way, one lady lamented “why this so and so guy, when I texted him he doesn’t reply, I texted him 100 times and the only answer that I got is “thank you.” Another lady mentioned that he thought that the man she’s going out with was just playing with her emotions and so one day she confronted the guy… and asked him… “do you like me” I’m sure the guy got shocked… it was good that he likes her also. What if he said… “hey, we just go out for a couple of times and you expect me to like you or you are just a sister to me” I’m sure this will surely hurt the young woman; this will make her feel rejected and betrayed.

You see we expect too much from men. When we text them we expect them to text back. When they hold our hands we thought that they already loved us. When they go to bed with us, we thought that they will marry us. Men want to play. Some women branded men as immature, insensitive, apathetic species. They lead us on, try to get what they can out of us, they deceive us (men are these things true?).

I guess men generally want to play. So ladies what do we do now… let’s remain single, let’s just date our fellow ladies (joke). What I am trying to say is I want to borrow the word of Elizabeth Elliot. I beg women to wait. Wait on God. Keep your mouth shut. Don’t expect anything until the declaration is clear and forthright.

Men please be careful with us. Treat us like crystals, so be circumspect. Don’t take advantage of our being emotional. All we want is to be loved. (ewwwwww)

For me, it’s not a taboo to express your feelings, ( I know for some men this is a big turn-off ) but you should be ready for the consequence. You might get hurt when the guy will tell you “I’m sorry but you are just a sister to me” or “You are a nice girl, but let’s just be friend” at least you tried but my Pastor always reminded me of this “you are a Filipino lady” which means don’t be an initiator.