Brokenness, the more I feel and see how broken I am, the more I cling to The Lord.
A gentle reminder from Him to live for the present and not for the future.
The gift of “now” reminding myself to live in the present is somehow giving me peace and rest.
Grace, everyday is grace from God, no matter how imperfect life may be, my ability to go through with life is grace from Him
My mess, shouting at my children, trying to manipulate them, choosing anger instead of understanding. I’m not proud of those, yes Lord I need you more, and thank You for changing me each day.
Thank You for allowing me to grow as a mother to my children and wife to my husband.
Thank you Holy Spirit for rebuking me and allowing me to repent. Remind me always not to do it again and if ever I slip again, may you not get tired of pulling me up. May you soften my heart that I may repent hastily
Thankful for the rain, it seldom rains here.
Thankful for the air was good and we were able to go out.
Today the weather isn’t that hot, I’m thankful for that.
Thankful for the book I’m reading “Letters to Young Pastor” by Calvin Miller
From time to time I am thinking about how much our life had changed since we got married and started a family. Our hope and dream to be in the front line was sidetracked and put on hold.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, I love my daughter, indeed she brings joy and blessings to our lives and another blessing is coming, 11 weeks from now I’ll be giving birth to our second child. But sometimes I thought of just how much of my time is spent in our house. We rarely go out anymore. I envied those women who are doing full-time in the ministry especially those missionaries. I stopped teaching in the Sunday School since I gave birth. I couldn’t even stay long in the church every Sunday to listen to the preaching because my daughter sometimes is noisy and I need to bring her out.
Soon, I’ll be taking care of a toddler and a baby, couldn’t help but think….. can I ever go back to the ministry. I used to feel fulfilled when I did some ministries.
I am thanking the Father for reminding me of this verse, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” 1 Corinthians 10:31
Being a wife to my husband and mother to my children are major part of my ministry. Whether I am at home taking care of my family, doing household chores, changing diaper, breastfeeding, bringing my daughter to the park, etc, etc… or sharing the gospel, it should be done with joy and grateful spirit.
I should do everything for the glory of God.
Father, you have a purpose for everything, thank you for the family you have given me. Thank you for giving me a loving husband, a lovely daughter and letting me pregnant again. Instead of thinking about the past, may You give me the grace to embrace completely the life I have now. Help me to minister to my family for your glory. Amen!
My thankful list for this week….. I am thankful for the following:
#73 opportunity to share the gospel again
#74 the pizza I made and the bread that my husband made
#75 reminding me not to forget the keys everytime I go out
#76 the public transportation, it’s convenient to commute, with the subways and buses
#77 thankful that a friend working in the middle east was given a free airplane ticket so she could visit her family back home on July
#78 for the good weather, I can go out for a walk and my daughter can play also outside
#79 the seven stars we saw in the sky the other night, rarely you see them here because of the pollution
#80 bread machine my husband bought
#81 a husband who’s helping me at home, he’s cooking and washing dishes
#82 that the result of my tests are all great
#83 a healthy baby in the womb
#84 for a sister who is celebrating her birthday today
Another day has passed, yesterday I was thinking about my life. Honestly I feel like I am not doing anything worthy. I am “just” a stay-at-home mom and wife.
I’ve been struggling lately, I always lose my temper. I get easily irritated with small things. I feel like I couldn’t do anything other than watching my daughter. I don’t even have time for myself. I am losing my patience and temper and definitely not proud of it. I want to be creative in our time together but my mind seems no longer functioning. I couldn’t thing of any.
Could it be because I am pregnant again or maybe I am not stay at home material mom.
Don’t get me wrong I love my daughter, she’s definitely the most charismatic baby I have ever seen, she smiles at anyone. She smiles and talks most of the time. I love being able to teach her and see all the ways she’s growing up. However I feel like lately, I’m not good enough for her.
I remember what the Israelites said to Moses in Numbers 21:5, when they get tired of eating manna, they complained “there is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna.”
Am I becoming like the Israelites? Getting tired of what I’m doing and want to do other things?
Oh Lord, forgive me for grumbling, forgive me for thinking this way. Help me to embrace the life you’ve given me and be satisfied with what I have and doing now. Help me to live a life to the fullest.
Today I am thankful for the following
#31- 36 years of existence
#32- my daughter turned one year old last month
#33-my second pregnancy
#34- was able to visit my country and hometown.
#35- the time we spent with my family.
#36-mother-in-law who’s helping us.
#37-husband who is hardworking and thrifty.
#38-spending time in prayer every morning with my husband.
We had our child dedication for Bethany yesterday with other two families. it’s just simple, no godparents, no celebration, we just had the same activity as we usually do every Sunday. Well, this is how they do it here, unlike in my country, we usually have celebration with our family, godparents and friends after the dedication. I asked my sister and her husband to be the godparents for the reason that they may take care of our child in the event of unexpected death. They didn’t know that though:)
Through this dedication, we do acknowledge that our child is a gift from God. We want to offer back our child to Him. It is our act of trust, commitment and dependence to Him.
Trust because, we know our child has needs that only God can provide , we trust the Lord that He will take care of her and that we don’t need to worry about her future, her health, her education, etc, etc. We’re trusting the Father completely that He will meet her needs and He’s just using us to provide some of her needs.
Commitment because just like marriage, parenting is also a commitment. It’s our commitment to raise her the way the Father wants us to do, we are committed to live a godly life and be a model to her with the desire that one day she will also entrust her life to Christ. We are committed to teach her the scriptures, it is our duty to do that.
Dependence, because we know as parents we are not perfect, in the future we’ll surely disappoint her, raising her we need His wisdom and grace in carrying our responsibilities as parents.
It is also one way of saying to Him, Lord we surrender to you our style of parenting, we want to raise this child the way you called us to. We’re doing parenting by faith.
I just love the questions that Mark(the one who conducted the ceremony) asked us during the ceremony.
1.)Do you, in the presence of God and this church, solemnly dedicate Bethany to the Lord?
2. Will you endeavor to live a life before Bethany that will give witness to your faith in Jesus Christ?
3. Do you accept the authority of the Old and New Testaments as the Word of God?
4. Out of them, will you endeavor diligently to teach Bethanythe commandments and promises of the Most High God, so that she may early come to personal faith in Jesus Christ?
With all these questions our answers were “yes we do”, I was reminded by our promises during our wedding and yes these are also our promises to our children. These are the other two families.
After having our buffet lunch with our two friends who happened to be here, too bad we didn’t take picture of the food, they’re absolutely awesome. Bethany and I spent in the children’s room while Albert, Esther and Robert went to check the theater, library and tried the indoor games, Albert toured them around the place, they’re just here to process his wife’s US visa and they’ll be leaving:(.
Below are some of the photos we took. We just love shooting photos of our baby. Isn’t she precious?:)
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15 When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. Matthew 19:14
When I was pregnant, I had a lot of fears and worries. Worries like, will the baby be born healthy? How will we support another person? What if my breasts don’t have milk? How can I feed her in public places, maybe I will not go out at all. Can i meet all her needs? How will we raise her, what if we repeat our parents’ failures. .. etc., etc…ahh unending worries.Those fears often kept me up at night. But now, my baby is here, and everything has changed. My fears and worries didn’t happen, she’s healthy, I’m breastfeeding her anywhere anytime.
Sure I sometimes lose my temper, I sometimes feel tired, I sometimes run out of patience. But I feel like the love I feel for her is overwhelming, so much so that sometimes, when I look at her, I couldn’t believe that I have this wonderful little creature. Is that just a hormone?:)
She’s 6 months now, she’s crawling and sitting without any support. I still have worries from time to time, she’s the source of joy and sometimes frustration but the Father keeps on reminding me, if we put Him in the center of our marriage and so with parenting, Christ must be the center of it. We can not do it alone, we can read all books about parenting, we can try our very best and be the most lovable parents ever but if we don’t put God as our number one priority well, all our efforts will be in vain.
I can never be a perfect parent but I believe living for the Lord, making Him my first priority is the best gift that I can ever give to my children. Making the Lord as the center of my life will make me the best parent I can be. I’m surrendering everything to the Lord, my fears, my worries, my style of parenting even my dreams for my child or children. I want to be a parent that He wants me to be. I want to enjoy the gift that He’s given us. I’m rejoicing that the Lord has created me to parent. I’m raising my child by faith.